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When I Rule the World

There Will Be Changes to the English Language

Added

  • nother (as in 'But that's a whole nother year!') as a legitimate word

  • A gender-neutral third-person pronoun (he/she/it)

  • A distinction between singular and plural second-person pronouns (you/y'all)

    • Banned
  • space age anything

  • Taking anything to the next level

  • Giving 110%. 110% is the bar. If you want to impress me, you must now give 130%.

  • Basically
    • - this ban is only for sports players
    Broadened
  • Because will be acceptably spelled becasue

  • tot eh will be a legit way of spelling to the

  • Dave will be spelled DAve

    • Modified
  • The name of 'W' will change. It's messed up, and it's just wrong.
         'W' is the only letter in the alphabet that
  • is pronounced with more than a single syllable - and it has three,
  • is defined as being just a copy of another letter (double) 'u',
  • is technically incorrect - it's a double 'v',

    • and the clincher:
  • can't even use itself in the spelling of itself (double you).
    •    It is clearly an imposter.
       It won't change soon, not even in a hundred years, but history will show - it will change.


    • Used correctly, upon pain of disfigurement
  • apostrophes
  • seen - phrases such as 'I seen him at the mall' will be forever obliterated
  • literally - it's not literal unless it ACTUALLY HAPPENED

    •  

    Some People Will Die Horribly

    Everyone involved with creating any kind of product that cannot be used without having the instruction manual with you each time.

    Whomever at Microsoft decided that broken links in docs should say BROKEN LINK instead of the what the broken link is.

    Whomever decided on the method for plastic wrapping CDs.

    Everyone at Targus - the company that makes the wireless (workless) mouse.

    The design engineers at Pontiac and Chrysler who build wiper/washer systems that consistently don't wipe/wash the windshield.